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January 27, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. A drone crashed landed on the White House lawn early Monday morning. “Good to know I’m not the only robotic droid who failed to make all the way to the White House,” said Mitt Romney. 2. According...
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February 6, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to experts, Tom Brady will have to pay $22,000 in gift tax if he wants to give the truck he was awarded as SuperBowl MVP to SuperBowl hero Malcolm Butler. Begging the question, how much...
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February 18, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Lawyers for former New England Patriot Aaron Hernandez alleged sloppy police work in the murder investigation yesterday in court. Said the lawyers, “Don’t ask us how we know this, but you got the...
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May 7, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Michael Jackson’s glove and George Harrison’s guitar are set to be auction off in New York next week. Man, if that guitar could talk it would probably say “Get me away from that glove.” 2. Austrian...
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May 12, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Monday, the NFL suspended New England Patriot quarterback Tom Brady for four games for his role in Deflategate and took two draft picks away from the team. A starting quarterback who fails to...
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May 13, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Yesterday, Verizon bought AOL for $4.4 billion because it’s still illegal to actually set money on fire. 2. A man in China was arrested for attempting to smuggle heroin into the country hidden in...
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May 15, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Republican Jeb Bush reversed course on Thursday and said that based on information now known, had it been up to him, he would not have waged war against Iraq. But be sure to check in tomorrow. 2....
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May 18, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Saturday, American Pharaoh won the 140th Preakness Stakes, the second leg in horse racing’s triple crown. Although, in reality, all the horses were losers because, when the race was over, they...
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June 3, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. AOL launched a new homepage yesterday. So expect a panicked call from your parents. “My email’s missing!!!!” 2. Sepp Blatter stunned the world of soccer yesterday by unexpectedly resigning as FIFA...
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June 9, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Sunday night, police in riot gear were called in after a melee erupted as attendees to a hip-hop concert in New Jersey’s MetLife Stadium tried to forcefully enter without tickets. Security...
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June 26, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. In a recent interview, Duke basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski said he is on Twitter under an alias so he can keep track of what his players are doing online. Which probably means Dick Vitale isn’t...
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August 14, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Wednesday was both National Vinyl Records day and National Middle Child day. So, if you know a middle child, hopefully you wished them a happy Vinyl Records day. 2. Yesterday it was announced that...
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September 4, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. 88 pounds of wool has been sheared from a sheep in Australia, making him unofficially the world’s woolliest sheep. The wool will be used to knit one sleeve for Chris Christie’s christmas sweater. 2....
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September 8, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. While in D.C. for a meeting with President Obama, King Salman of Saudi Arabia reportedly rented out the entire Four Seasons hotel. And yet, somehow, his room was still next to the ice machine. 2. On...
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September 9, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to a new study, 10% of men and women admit to having orgasms while exercising. So consider this your friendly reminder, that before working out, you should always wipe off the machine. 2....
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September 17, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Wednesday, New England quarterback Tom Brady endorsed Donald Trump for president. Just when you think the Patriots can’t possible get any more unlikeable, they find a new way. 2. Yesterday,...
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September 21, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders will appear on the cover of this month’s edition of “Time” magazine. Because, much like Bernie, no one can believe “Time” magazine is still around....
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September 30, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Tuesday it was reported that the NFL’s appeal of the reversal of Patriot quarterback Tom Brady’s Deflategate suspension won’t be heard until 2016. Causing Brady to learn a phrase that Jets fans...
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November 6, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Arkansas has rejected a proposed amendment to legalize marijuana in the state due to errors of grammar, punctuation and spelling in the proposed bill. No word on whether the errors were because the...
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January 4, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Atlanta Falcons running-back Tevin Coleman suffered a concussion after slipping in the shower. “That’s why I always advocated a buddy system in the team showers,” said Jerry Sandusky. 2. British...
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